Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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