I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
