I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
