I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
