I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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