I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
