so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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