thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
