I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
