She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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