The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize