I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
