he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
