pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
