ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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