are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
