new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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