got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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