Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
