Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
