i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
