Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
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So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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