Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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