1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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