He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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