I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
