if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
