You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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