our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
