In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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