i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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