Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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