John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
