yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
