She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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