whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You smell like stripper and shame
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
