M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
