the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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