He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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