Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
