Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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