I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
