it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
