I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
