So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
