Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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