Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I see more hoeing in ur future
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