Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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