1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
