Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
