I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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