OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
