We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Are we still banned from the library?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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