Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
