Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize