You're my little dorito
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
