There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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