it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
