Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
