If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
